NaBloPoMo: What goes through my head When I come to write a post

I have been gone for quite some time and a lot has happened. That is part of why I am doing this November Blog a day. I stopped blogging and I wish I hadn't. I have composed blogs in my head...thought of witty things I might post on my blog, but every night, I spend too much time canning, or too much time on facebook, or some other nonsense, and I end up with the words in my head but nothing behind them.

I have been gone for some time because a lot has happened and I am lazy.

If you knew the half of it, you might not come back if you were me.

The good news is, all the things I love the most are close to me...well, that's not true.

The good thing is, J and E are still here and we are a family.

A lot has happened. Some people are not as lucky as I am.

Here is a list of things that have happened:
A relative came to live with us but was able to return home.
Our dog died.
Our cat went missing for almost 24 hours
We got a new dog.

Winnie (l) and Ruby(r) before Winnie died

My work situation got super super crazy.
I stopped believing in myself.
I stopped thinking about tomorow.
I started to again.
I got a little sick and ended up in the hospital.
I lost sleep over smallish and biggish things.

One theme that happened through seveal of these "stories"? X-rays. Yep. X-rays and ultrasounds and ct scans. To or not to. And to what end.

I will leave that at that for now.

I am changing the mood of my blog by free writing in this way. I don't care if you don't like it.

That's not true. I do care. But I want to write something other than texts to friends and facebook status updates. So I am writing this.


I have been gone for quite some time. I have missed being here to blog about my life. I have another blog which is equally neglected. Perhaps I will blog there weekly too for November.  If I do, I will start that on the weekend.


I have been gone.
a lot has happened.
how are you.

PS: I started this post before November 2nd. 

Update

Well, we moved from the hood to paradise, basically. Chicago style paradise, which doesn't mean hotdogs or super deep dish pizza, but we moved north in Chicago. We have a large back deck, a small yard, free heat and laundry, and we are steps (like 50 steps) from a giant, awesome, green expansive park. My commute is longer. It means I am on the bus an hour each direction every day. BUT, everything else is far far far better.


E. climbs trees now too. And he's really good at it. He was made for it! He can climb anything, this kid.


Work is not so good right now and hasn't been for over a month. I'm not sure when (or if) it will get better. I feel as if I must need to reexamine my career...but this isn't the time to do that as I need to have a job and at least it pays pretty well.

I'm getting a lot of pressure from my family about E's behavior. He is an intense kid who likes to push boundaries. We don't always know what to do about it. My mother seems to think he's going to be a bully and that we are to blame. It's very hard having him around her when she constantly is on him for every little thing he does. We have rules in our house, but they are not the same as hers. I don't know what to do about it, and every time we have to see her I worry for days about what he might do and what she might say. It makes me a very stressed parent. This week, my brother is in town, so I am extra stressed because we will be around them a lot. It doesn't help that E is 3, and that he's still adjusting to the move (we moved may 1st). Of course my mother swears that moving isn't a big deal and doesn't get why he's having a hard time. We moved a lot as kids, and she thinks it was easy for us. In my case, I know I was too afraid of her to seem like it was anything but easy. Also, our first move was when I was 8.

"Every kid is different, he's a bit more sensitive", isn't enough for her. Of course, this is the same mother who came down on me for holding him too much when he was a baby. Can you hold a baby too much?

I'm very sad and frustrated. Being a mom of a kid going through 3 is hard enough. It really is. I wish I had some support from her...but I should know that's not something I would ever get.

Here are some great pics from the weekend. Sorry to be such a downer. I just feel alone right now, and so much like I need to wrap my family up and take them far far away from her.

e and his "best friend" and cousin.

putting his hat out for candy

Faster

e loves scooting! I took this action shot by snapping it before he was even on it.

this is my favorite picture of e right now. He's watching tv in this shot, the day before his 3rd birthday...but such an angelic look.

Ok....it's become obvious to me now that I suck and getting the blogs posted. Can I blame it on the job? Yes! Is it fair to say that having a 2 to 3 year old is a huge time suck? Yes. Would I change it if I could? Well, the job, yes...but not the kid. I mean who doesn't wish for a better job?

Well, little boots boy is probably happy with this job.

I work for a department at a University as an Assistant to the Head. It's a fancy sounding title, but I end up just feeling like e knob...like a pee-on, like a person who is helping someone else succeed in while at the same time not succeeding. I rarely write anymore....except for the job and that is not creative writing my friends, it is not at all. I rarely craft. I made E a doll for his birthday, but that's about it for the last year. I hardly even read blogs. I think it has everything to do with being too busy both at work and home. Obviously, blogging and reading blogs at work is a no no...though I might be doing it right now because it's spring break and no one is here, and at home, by the time E is asleep and I have cleaned the kitchen, I'm ready to watch one TV show and call it a night. That's it.

Night is a bit of a circus sometimes. It's hard for me to deal with in a rational way...I think because I'm so tired from working and then I have to just swing into high 3 year old gear and roll with the punches. And E is getting better at playing by himself, but he isn't the kind of kid you can turn your back on. He just might scale a bookshelf or find something he shouldn't have. He's gotten so tall that there is only one home surface he can't reach that I can reach. This has made said surface into a verifiable disaster area...as everything gets stuck up there that needs to get out of his reach. And if he has the idea to do it, he simply pulls a chair over and reaches the top and all the things on it easily. he knows he isn't supposed to do this, but sometimes, he does it anyway.

All of this is to say why I haven't blogged in a while. I just can't. By night's end I'm wordless...and wordless blogs are ok now and then, but it's not why I blog.

Now that I have that off my chest, I will let one other thing off and then I will update and go. I am still planning on making the give away winner her squirrel. If you still read this, please know that I think of it often.

ok....updates.
1. E was sick with stomach flu this weekend. He HATES throwing up. Even while he is doing it he says how yucky it it (yes, talks while the puke is coming out). I hate throwing up too, but I was impressed that he was able to talk while doing it. He said later that he wished it didn't have to come out of his mouth.
2. His 3yr old healthy boy visit found him 3 ft 1.5 inches tall and 31 pounds.
3. We live in a sketchy neighborhood and the other day I drove through a fight and someone tried to get into my car. I didn't mean to drive through a fight, it was just there.
4. As a result we are moving....though we were moving before that too...this just makes it even more important.
5. We just found out that E is pretty far down on every waiting list for every school we applied for him to go to...thanks Chicago Public Schools. We really needed more stress. We'll just send him to the neighborhood school where the fight was that I drove through.
6. I need to breathe and stop thinking the worst.
7. I'm tired of being run by our debt.
8. I've still only lost 20 lbs at wait w..atch.ers. I think I am going to juggle the money and just follow the program but use the money spent there to join the Gym here at school instead.
9. in the more than year since I have written: I had emergency surgery for a hernia, J's mom had a stroke, then J's mom had open heart surgery to repair a hole in her heart, my brother went to and came back safely from a non military mission in Afghanistan, e learned how to use the potty and now only wears a diaper at night, we moved and will move again, I took a new job at the university.
10. I have missed blogging but can't promise I'll keep up.

Have a good day...I'm going to try to do the same.

The Winner

So the random number generator picked .....................................

drum roll..........................................................................................................................

Leslie!!!! I know, I'm excited too.  Leslie wants a squirrel.  No problem.  I'm on it! Congrats Leslie.

 

For everyone else, sorry and thanks for reading and playing!

I really want to take a stab at making each of your ideas because they are so cool.

I have lot to say but I'm going to leave early today and catch up later.

Monday Moody Mahem

hat!!

I am moody. He is moody. The sky turned cloudy and sunny all at once, and that too is moody. How many meltdowns this morning, let's see....
y'know...i'm too moody to list them. Let's just say, a bunch. And one was because I wouldn't let him pick up the dog poop. That one actually had tears involved. And him trying to run back into the house. yeah, that kind of day.

picking flowers in the yard, deep in thought.

sleeps with a fist.