Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Update



Well, we moved from the hood to paradise, basically. Chicago style paradise, which doesn't mean hotdogs or super deep dish pizza, but we moved north in Chicago. We have a large back deck, a small yard, free heat and laundry, and we are steps (like 50 steps) from a giant, awesome, green expansive park. My commute is longer. It means I am on the bus an hour each direction every day. BUT, everything else is far far far better.


E. climbs trees now too. And he's really good at it. He was made for it! He can climb anything, this kid.


Work is not so good right now and hasn't been for over a month. I'm not sure when (or if) it will get better. I feel as if I must need to reexamine my career...but this isn't the time to do that as I need to have a job and at least it pays pretty well.

I'm getting a lot of pressure from my family about E's behavior. He is an intense kid who likes to push boundaries. We don't always know what to do about it. My mother seems to think he's going to be a bully and that we are to blame. It's very hard having him around her when she constantly is on him for every little thing he does. We have rules in our house, but they are not the same as hers. I don't know what to do about it, and every time we have to see her I worry for days about what he might do and what she might say. It makes me a very stressed parent. This week, my brother is in town, so I am extra stressed because we will be around them a lot. It doesn't help that E is 3, and that he's still adjusting to the move (we moved may 1st). Of course my mother swears that moving isn't a big deal and doesn't get why he's having a hard time. We moved a lot as kids, and she thinks it was easy for us. In my case, I know I was too afraid of her to seem like it was anything but easy. Also, our first move was when I was 8.

"Every kid is different, he's a bit more sensitive", isn't enough for her. Of course, this is the same mother who came down on me for holding him too much when he was a baby. Can you hold a baby too much?

I'm very sad and frustrated. Being a mom of a kid going through 3 is hard enough. It really is. I wish I had some support from her...but I should know that's not something I would ever get.

Here are some great pics from the weekend. Sorry to be such a downer. I just feel alone right now, and so much like I need to wrap my family up and take them far far away from her.
e and his "best friend" and cousin.

putting his hat out for candy

8 comments:

SandNSher said...

OMG it sounds like my MIL lol Just keep doing what you do I mean kids are kids... Kids are a ball of energy and they get into everything. They have fits they play loudly. The word no can seam like a game. I understand where your coming from.. From the pics he seems like a normal 3yr old... So I think yall are doing a great job! Every child adjusts to moves differently...


Sher

Stacey said...

some MILs are very critical. 3 years is a tough age. It gets easier by 4 in a lot of ways. You're probably doing everything right and every parent is at a loss with how to cope with some things sometimes. It isn't easy. My friend once gave me an awesome quote: a 3 year old is a 2 year old who has learned to be an asshole. :P

DaniKel said...

I am so sorry your Mom is causing you so much stress. 3 year olds are handfuls. Caelyn has been a super sweet 2 year old, but the closer she gets to 3, the, hmm, let me say, the more rotten she becomes. And think about it, they are more vocal, they are learning to express themselves more, about what they like/don't like, what they want to do/don't want to do. They are kind of stuck in that not a baby/not a big kid stage. And I am sure life is stressful for them. Especially if you add in moving. And I am sorry, you can not tell what kind of 'big' kid they will be when they are 3. Ouroldest, when he was 3, he was a kicker, he would bite (not alot, but if he did, beware, he was out for blood) and he is an amazing 13 year old. He is not a bully, he does not fight, he only talks back every now and then (which for being 13, is actually pretty good) and all we really have to do is say, "are you seriously arguing with me" and he will apologize. Try not to stress.... and no, I do not believe you can hold a baby too much!! :)

Anyways- congrats on the move!! The new place sounds AMAZING!!!

Sarah said...

Thanks everyone! It means a lot to me that I'm not as crazy as I feel. I hope that when my kids have kids I don't do this to them, because, wow. It's not fair at all.

This Mom said...

My mom has never really done well dealing with my son. She had 3 daughters and most of my cousins are girls and out of her 6 grandkids there are just 2 boys. My nephew was HORRIBLE as a little kid and I think she jumps to that mentality when thinking of my boy.
I finally had to tell her that he is our child and that she has to respect our parenting and let us do it because her idea of "helping" just translated to him thinking that she didn't like him when she nagged him all the time and not his sister. I told her that if she couldn't lay off,she'd see us all a lot less because I wouldn't subject him to it.
Since then, she's been a lot better and I think that by removing her feeling that she needed to discipline him, she notices other parts of him she didn't see before. And it's the good stuff too. You might have to be blunt, but don't let her ideas of how he "should" be affect his perception of how she likes or loves him.

jenn p. said...

I just came over from mothering.com (jennp85). I thought it'd be cool to check out the profiles of the people who are planning to meet up. Three is hard so don't beat yourself up over his behavior now as long as you are being consistent. As for your mom, that does sound like a rough spot. But, I agree with This Mom, that maybe laying it out to her firmly might help. He seems like a very alert little guy, I'm sure he wears you out!

(I had to leave a comment on my first visit, I didn't want to see that sad picture again!)

sixinthedairy said...

Oh my god three year olds are the pits! My two have been such hard work. And we just did a big move and it was really, really hard on them (and us!). So what you are going through is completely normal. I don't know if you are a parenting nerd, but two resources that have helped me get through it without killing them are Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen, and the Hand-in-Hand parenting approach (if you google it you will find their website). Big hugs to you though.

Leslie said...

Moving can be a difficult transition for kids at any age. (Our last move was hard for ME! - a "grown up.") And three? Three is a tough age! I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from your mom. That has to be frustrating. Just do what you do best - love your son. It'll be okay.