NaBloPoMo: What goes through my head When I come to write a post

I have been gone for quite some time and a lot has happened. That is part of why I am doing this November Blog a day. I stopped blogging and I wish I hadn't. I have composed blogs in my head...thought of witty things I might post on my blog, but every night, I spend too much time canning, or too much time on facebook, or some other nonsense, and I end up with the words in my head but nothing behind them.

I have been gone for some time because a lot has happened and I am lazy.

If you knew the half of it, you might not come back if you were me.

The good news is, all the things I love the most are close to me...well, that's not true.

The good thing is, J and E are still here and we are a family.

A lot has happened. Some people are not as lucky as I am.

Here is a list of things that have happened:
A relative came to live with us but was able to return home.
Our dog died.
Our cat went missing for almost 24 hours
We got a new dog.

Winnie (l) and Ruby(r) before Winnie died

My work situation got super super crazy.
I stopped believing in myself.
I stopped thinking about tomorow.
I started to again.
I got a little sick and ended up in the hospital.
I lost sleep over smallish and biggish things.

One theme that happened through seveal of these "stories"? X-rays. Yep. X-rays and ultrasounds and ct scans. To or not to. And to what end.

I will leave that at that for now.

I am changing the mood of my blog by free writing in this way. I don't care if you don't like it.

That's not true. I do care. But I want to write something other than texts to friends and facebook status updates. So I am writing this.


I have been gone for quite some time. I have missed being here to blog about my life. I have another blog which is equally neglected. Perhaps I will blog there weekly too for November.  If I do, I will start that on the weekend.


I have been gone.
a lot has happened.
how are you.

PS: I started this post before November 2nd. 

Update

Well, we moved from the hood to paradise, basically. Chicago style paradise, which doesn't mean hotdogs or super deep dish pizza, but we moved north in Chicago. We have a large back deck, a small yard, free heat and laundry, and we are steps (like 50 steps) from a giant, awesome, green expansive park. My commute is longer. It means I am on the bus an hour each direction every day. BUT, everything else is far far far better.


E. climbs trees now too. And he's really good at it. He was made for it! He can climb anything, this kid.


Work is not so good right now and hasn't been for over a month. I'm not sure when (or if) it will get better. I feel as if I must need to reexamine my career...but this isn't the time to do that as I need to have a job and at least it pays pretty well.

I'm getting a lot of pressure from my family about E's behavior. He is an intense kid who likes to push boundaries. We don't always know what to do about it. My mother seems to think he's going to be a bully and that we are to blame. It's very hard having him around her when she constantly is on him for every little thing he does. We have rules in our house, but they are not the same as hers. I don't know what to do about it, and every time we have to see her I worry for days about what he might do and what she might say. It makes me a very stressed parent. This week, my brother is in town, so I am extra stressed because we will be around them a lot. It doesn't help that E is 3, and that he's still adjusting to the move (we moved may 1st). Of course my mother swears that moving isn't a big deal and doesn't get why he's having a hard time. We moved a lot as kids, and she thinks it was easy for us. In my case, I know I was too afraid of her to seem like it was anything but easy. Also, our first move was when I was 8.

"Every kid is different, he's a bit more sensitive", isn't enough for her. Of course, this is the same mother who came down on me for holding him too much when he was a baby. Can you hold a baby too much?

I'm very sad and frustrated. Being a mom of a kid going through 3 is hard enough. It really is. I wish I had some support from her...but I should know that's not something I would ever get.

Here are some great pics from the weekend. Sorry to be such a downer. I just feel alone right now, and so much like I need to wrap my family up and take them far far away from her.

e and his "best friend" and cousin.

putting his hat out for candy

Hernia, furloughs, birthday countdown, and where the hack i've been

could they BE any sweeter?

Ok. So I've been away forever. Literally. Well, literally, a month. it feels like forever though. I've been away trying to work more efficiently at my job. That means no blogging at work. Would I actually ever have blogged at work? guilty. yes.

Because i work for a state university that is struggling through a financial crisis right now, I decided my job wasn't so much of a sure thing anymore. Why do I think this? well, it's a combination of them telling us so AND the furlough. We are all being furloughed 4 to 10 days. Thus the never blogging. That coupled with the fact that I've been doing more hours for the dog training and also coupled with the fact that my little baby is quickly approaching his 2nd birthday (which means a lot, but it means he's taking off in all kinds of directions). Link with that the fact tat J has been sick a bunch, her job ended so I'm working more hours and we're trying to sell stuff to make up or a 2 source income loss (furloughs and a lay off).

Then on Thursday of last week, something more happened. I woke up with a bad stomach ache. I felt bloated and sore al at once. Looked at my stomach and low and behold, I had a lump protruding from underneath my belly button. What the? I suffered through it Thursday. made an appointment with a new Dr. for the beginning of march and carried on. In discomfort. I also had a cold. I was coughing a lot. Every cough hurt. Went home. told J. She was like, well, maybe you should see a Dr. before that. I thought, eh, maybe. Friday. more pain. larger lump. Ok. So I went to the er to find that my suspicions were correct. I had an umbilical hernia. My brother had one too, last year, so I guess it must be genetic. They tried to push it back in. OUCH. When they couldnt, they decided to admit me and correct it surgically. Great.

What does this mean? Well, it means a lot o things. I'm on sick leave for the week. I am recovering from minor abdominal surgery. I get lots of rest, lots of olympics. I have a more normal looking belly button than I've had in years (see, it was looking funny for a while. it just started with the hard lump on Thursday).

Oh, and I can;t pick up anything heavier than a gallon milk carton for 6 weeks. E. is about 30 pounds. Which means J is on duty 24 7 and i can only talk to him. and kiss him. it's very hard. He's a very physical kid, and I find myself really missing him.

His birthday is Sat. and we have J's parents coming from MN. My mom and fam (who have been great through all this hernia business) will come too. But that's it. Small party. I can't believe he's going to be 2. He talks like crazy now (4 to 6 word sentences) and uses the potty a little. He knows when he has to poop, but has a hard time with pee. Sometimes he makes it to the potty, sometimes not. But every time is a win. And we're not in a huge hurry at all. We have switched to disposable diapers till I'm better. I'm the diapers washer, and J doesn't need that to add to her duties. The laundry is in the basement. Sorry environment.

Well this post is everywhere. For real, I hope that the promised squirrel will be done this week. I've been pretty remiss, but also, pretty overwhelmed for as long as I can think Sorry Leslie. I hope you still feel like a winner and are still reading.

Some recent cute pics!

table surfing. kid loves to climb

cousins

Holiday Spirit

me (looking puffy) and e: he wanted to get down

So I have a long weekend, and we have really been taking advantage of it. Yesterday we went to the Christkindlmarket downtown for some delicious wine from a boot.

Peanut enjoyed the fact of (though not the length of time on) the train we took to get there. The market itself was very crowded, and it was too crowded for our very walkie toddler to be walking. But we had promised him he would be walking and not in the ergo the whole time, so once we got someone more clear, we let him walk. That was when we found an awesome sax player playing some great festive tunes.  As is often the case (or always the case) he had his case open for folks to put money in. I gave the peanut a couple quarters. He shyly put them in, sneaking up and then back again, and then he asked for more.  i gave him another, same thing.  then i was pretty much out of money. so he says more, does the sign for more, and jumps up and down. So i say to him, knowing it's the wrong question, more music? He looks me flat in the face, no, more Money!

it was really cute.

today we went to the free zoo. it was awesome.  we went late in the afternoon and lucked out because it was also the first night of zoo lights. So much fun. I think this christmas is going to be awesome.  Watching p watch and experience the world is probably my favorite thing about being a mom.  We want to make the lights at the zoo a yearly tradition. I will post pictures from that later.

another cute cousin shot from turkey day

sleep is for the weak

that's what peanut said yesterday, at nap time. Oh, he slept....but only for about 20 minutes.  

the beautiful start to a very short nap

Then he was up up up to party.

We went to my moms. A first in many years. We usually go to Detroit but the people we see there, J's fam, moved too far away to visit at thanksgiving. 

Dinner at my moms went better than I thought. E melted down a bunch, but when you skip a nap, that happens. He was super cute with his cousin and ate turkey, which is a big deal because he doesn't like meat very much.

 

yyyyyyuuuuuum!

with  the cousin

This good holiday makes me feel cautionarily optimistic about christmas. We are in town for both holidays this year. certain people i know who d not live in my house are a little stressie and sad at christmas, but it comes out as anger.

More on that later, or not.

For now, I'm going to leave it with the fact that we had a great holiday!

did you hear about the giveaway? You only have a few more days to enter to win your very own custom made softie. See the give it away now post for more details!

giving up

pop tarts

they are my current weakness. I struggle with my weight a bit and hearing your ideas, along with some not so deep searching, its an easy first step...eliminate the pop tarts. I remember when this habit began..they stare at me through the glass, taunting, no, inviting me with their "good source of vitamins and minerals" claim. they are also a good source of too many calories and sugar.

How many calories? How much sugar?

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: 1 pastry

Amount per Serving
Calories 200 Calories from Fat 45
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 5g	8%
Saturated Fat 2g	10%
Cholesterol 0mg	0%
Sodium 210mg	9%
Total Carbohydrate 36g	12%
Dietary Fiber 1g	4%
Sugars 19g
Protein 3g	6%

Vitamin A	10%
Vitamin C	0%
Calcium	0%
Iron	10%
Thiamin (B1)	10%
Riboflavin (B2)	10%
Niacin (B3)	10%
Vitamin B6	10%
Folic Acid (Folate)	10%

---

Est. Percent of Calories from:

Fat 22.5% Carbs 72.0%

Protein 6.0%

yeah, and in case you're wondering, I ate 2 at a time. 2.

That's done.

over.

Sorry for the boring post.

I just wanted to declare tomorrow the start of no more pop tarts. Stay tuned for updates of my success and struggles!!

trying for 30

Now, it's no secret that I don't post as often as some people do. Part of that stems from the fact that i am busy, part of it comes from being lazy, and then I also think no one reads anyway, but that's not the point, I guess. So even though it's november 3rd and I am going to need to play catch up, I am doing the NaBloPoMo challenge. It will give me a chance to articulate all the crazy stuff that's been happening of late.

And hopefully make me a better blogger.

I am going to take this moment to say that while I mostly write about peanut, I'm going to try to write about other things too, like crafting and maybe even politics, Or to bore the life out of you, my life story.

I'm also trying to lose weight, could write about that as well.

Spring Illnesses

So usually I consider myself to be pretty healthy. We are a healthy family overall. Peanut has had some coughs and colds, and some ear infections, but nothing big since a heart scare early on which ended up being pretty normal and not scary. Anyway, the point is, and maybe as I write this I realize the very fact that I'm in denial here, the point is, healthy...that's us. Well, as the post title hints, not so much just recently. I've been down with sinusitis and my very own (and very first) ear infection. I've actually missed two full days of work. And I don't do that. Plus I had to cancel my dog training class. It was terrible stuff. I think I'm on the upswing though. I've not coughed but a few times in the last hour.

So that's me, and though sick, I still made time to do this with peanut:

I'm trying to get in shape for summer and shed some of these extra lbs. So I walk with him on my back. Carrying an extra 23 lbs on your back is a workout. I just put him in the er;go and um, go! (note: if your little one is big like ours, get an er.go. They make baby carrying much easier) And it's been so nice being home with him so much. J and I noticed today that he's really getting so smart and aware of things. It's awesome.

Speaking of Peanut....Peanut had...wait for it....

Pink eye. I know! try putting eyedrop medicine in a squirming and noncompliant 14 month old. It's crazy fun. Another thing to be greatful for my partner for. Another reason to be glad I'm not alone.

We are watching with amazement the leaps P is taking in his development. He knows things now. He knows what he wants and knows a lot of the time how to ask for it. Language is still creative. He has some really clear words, like tickle, tea, hi, and ball (though he drops the ll sound). But then he also says dog, tree, teeth, head, banana, balloon, and tries to say other things. He's still signing, though he uses the same sign we taught him for potty for outside. That's my fault...oops.

In addidtion, if he hears the word "head" or "toes" he tries to break into the Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes song...pointing at each part...but he waits for us to join in keeping his little hand pointing to his head until we do. Sound cute? It is. Other songs he sings are Irish Lullabye and Itsy, Bitsy Spider.

Ok, and when I say he knows things, I was getting him dressed and we needed socks and shoes. So I said, what else do we need, and so he walked to the sock drawer *(which is on the other side of the room) and pointed at it. He knew what came next!

My smart boy.

Where have I been?

It's been so long since I've posted. Peanut has gone from sitting to scooting backwards and now, almost crawling. It's kind of awe-inspiring how much he learns and how much he changes every day. As i've mentioned, I am the working mom. We spend our time together in the mornings so J can sleep, and so she can ready herself for the day (by getting enough sleep). And then I'm off to work for the day, missing them both, wishing I could be there to see him. We live in Chicago, and my commute is about an hour, no matter how I slice it. It can be less, but it rarely is. Some times J packs peanut in the car and they come get me from work which is awesome.

Right now, J is at a knitting night with the moms she is friends with and I'm at home with peanut, who is asleep. His new bedtime is 7:30. That's the nice thing about daylight savings time. What isn't as nice is the morning at 5:30. But it helps me get to work more on time.

W

Where else have I been?

Apple Orchard

Visit with J's Nephews,

Peanut's first Halloween.

Election 08

Amazed at my crawling, standing, hugging clapping really cute baby.

Sad that he's growing so fast.

Dog training

being a mom.

oh, and crafting.